Thursday, March 24, 2011

American Idol Week Three

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?
Who Had Game That Has Now Departed?

So the songs of Motown are going to people plenty of huge songs to get their chops around, but after a while (ten seasons) you end up hearing the same old same old and it becomes a compare and contrast object lesson with those who have gone before. I would prefer to see the competition open up some unusual themes to test the guys and gals a little by taking them more out of their comfort zones. How about Punk Week? Give us some Songs from the 1940s. Do the Rat Pack. Folk-a-delic. Metal. Hank Williams. Surely there is room for more rock and less schlock?

Casey rocked a suit and a very red beard. And made growly huffing sounds a lot. And walked around. Dude can perform anything, but I think he ought to throw us a curveball by doing an acapella version where he really controls his voice without going all Screaming Jay Hawkins on us. "I Heard It Through The Grapevine"? Really? 

Thia was perfectly pretty and perfectly forgettable. Like sheet cake. Its whole purpose is to present the fancy icing but once wedges have been cut and folks have stabbed at it with a plastic fork and winced at the chemical sweetness, it just looks sort of like the way it tastes: of absolutely nothing at all. She sang OK though. 

What up with all the white jackets tonight? Do I detect a black and white theme? Am I the only one to think that Jacob is losing ground each week by revealing weaknesses in his singing? I think not. Stomp the gloriosity back, yo: wail softly and don’t worry: all the boys will still think you carry a big stick.

The reason Hayley keeps ending up in the bottom three is because she is unlikable, not because she can’t sing (though the singing part isn’t remotely as great as the judges make it out to be; I don’t want no growling in my peppy pop, thank you). Let’s be perfectly clear: she does not have any Janis in her because every time Randy claims she does, Janis rolls over so violently in her grave tsunamis happen.

Stefano is not an actual boy: he’s a bobble-head doll who nods yes I can yes I will every time someone gives him advice, then he totally carries on making all the same mistakes he always did. So who is voting for the Italian Stallion? Girls who like bobble-head dolls (13 year-olds). J-Lo’s commentary was right on the money tonight: he sings as if he’s trying to do well, not because he’s feeling the song.

Lauren needs to listen up: when the first thing the judge says is “you’re looking beautiful tonight!” it means which is good because the singing sucked.

Scotty: if you don’t want to come across as a lounge singer, STOP holding the mic to one side! I actually thought he took a big risk and pulled it off: everyone wanted to see what honky did with Motown and he hit a three-pointer (literally). By the way, did y’all think the whole basketball vibe was a little….y’know?

Pia delivered a power ballad. Big freakin’ whoop.

Jimmy Iovine is right: Paul does have a distinctive voice. I liked what he did with the song; a lesser singer would have tried to take on Smokey and no-one can do that. I typed this and then Randy said exactly the same thing. WTF. Why can’t they pay me his big bucks?

Naima: the judges need to mention the bum notes. Because there were many. Not So You Think You Can Dance however. It’s not even X-Factor, so not exactly sure what she’s doing on Idol, which is a singing competition.

So far James has the whole charisma thing down, don’t he? Crowd don’t lie, y’all. His was the only performance that made me want to get up and dance, which counts for a lot when it comes to Motown, you know?

Stefano's Mom came and cooked for the whole crew at the (now) haunted mansion they no longer live in, which was real nice of her. The producers should not have allowed Ryan to humiliate the woman by handing Gordon Ramsey a Tupperware of the leftovers and asking for a review. That was mean. 

Bottom Three: Hayley, Naima, Thia. Again. Going home? Hayley, please God

The Inky Jukebox likes Hotel Angel

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